Anne Packrat <akane@erols.com>


<Ranma 1/2 and its respective characters created by Rumiko
Takahashi and copyrighted by a bunch of companies like Viz Video
and Kitty Films.  Does anyone actually read this?>

Note: Daisuke and Hiroshi are Ranma's friends that always appear
in the anime.  Sayuri and Yuka are Akane's two friends that
always appear with her.

Dr. Tofu's Skeleton Delivery Service Presents:

All Wrapped Up? - A Ranma 1/2 tale
     by Anne Packrat

     "I know it's been going on for awhile, but I still think
it's weird," Sayuri said as she sat in Madoka's, a local
fast-food restaurant.  She, Daisuke, Yuka, and Hiroshi had
decided to grab a quick bite after school.  Unfortunately, most
of those bites were eaten by Hiroshi as he scarfed down food so
fast that it would put Ranma to shame.

     "Mmphhhh?" Hiroshi asked.  He swallowed mightily and tried
again.  "What do you mean?"  Hiroshi had been visiting family in
America for the past month, and he had just gotten back.

     "Oh, sorry, I forgot you've been away.  I mean that."
Sayuri pointed to a booth on the far side of the restaurant.

     Hiroshi glanced over to the booth and frowned.  "But that's
just Kuno.  He's always been strange."

     Yuka laughed.  "You got that right."

     Daisuke wore his Mr. Spock "This is highly illogical" look.
"Sayuri doesn't mean Kuno himself.  She means what he's doing
here."

     Hiroshi glanced over at Kuno.  "Looks like he's waiting for
someone."

     "Yeah, but who exactly is he waiting for?" Yuka asked
grinning.

     Daisuke, seeing Hiroshi's confusion, elaborated.  "You
remember how Akane and Ranma got married?"

     Hiroshi nodded.  "That happened just before I left."

     "A mysterious package arrived for Ranma after you left,"
Sayuri said, "The date on the package indicated that it was three
years old."

     "It'd been lost in the postal system for that long," Yuka
chimed in, overbrimming with joviality, or at least smiling
mirthfully.

     Sayuri gave her friend a reproachful glance than continued.
"The package was from Jusenkyo.  Seems the guide got a sudden
attack of consciousness and sent Ranma some water from 'Spring of
Drowned Man.'  Anyway, Ranma, his father, and a bunch of other
people got cured."

     "But what does this have to do with Kuno?" Hiroshi asked in
between bites.

     Daisuke now wore his "Captain, you're acting like an idiot"
look.  "Kuno lost his two goddesses.  Akane got married and Ranma
got cured, so the pig-tailed girl disappeared."

     Hiroshi scratched his head.  "Yeah, so?"

     "Jeez, Hiroshi, now you're just being stupid." Daisuke said,
switching to his "Captain you really are an idiot" look.

     Sayuri patted Hiroshi on the shoulder and shot Daisuke a
scathing glance.  "Lighten up.  I'm still confused about it, and
I haven't been away at all!"  She turned to Hiroshi, "No one is
really sure why Kuno finally gave up on his two loves.  Maybe
Ranma hit him two many times.  Maybe one his sister's poisons got
to him.  Heck, he might have just wised up."  She paused for a
moment then shook her head.  "No, not that."

     Meanwhile, Yuka had finally stopped grinning.  She was only
smiling now.  "No, Kuno's still as stupid as he ever was."

     Daisuke nodded stoically then continued the story.  "Kuno
became really depressed after the wedding.  He practiced
constantly, talking to no one but his servant Sasuke.  Until one
day when Ryouga wondered into his...  OW!  Yuka, watch it!" he
said as Yuka accidentally spilled her very hot soup on his pants.

     "I'm so sorry, Daisuke!  It was an accident!" Yuka said
frantically.  She tried helping Daisuke dry his pants, but he
yelped and jumped away.

     "DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!!!"  He stopped as he noticed that the
restaurant had become deathly silent.  He slowly turned his head
and looked at the patrons that were staring at him.  A large
sweatdrop formed in the back of his head as he grinned inanely.
"Um....  Sorry.  She just, um, accidentally hit my, um, war
wound.  It still hurts sometimes."  The patrons stared at him a
minute more then turned back to their own meals.  Daisuke sat
down and let out a sigh of relief.  Then he noticed his friends
grinning at him.  "What?"

     Actually only Sayuri and Hiroshi were grinning, Yuka was
laughing outright.  Sayuri looked Daisuke up and down.  "Exactly
what war did you fight in?" she asked.

     Daisuke glared at her.  "It's all I could think of okay?"
He grabbed Hiroshi's napkin and did his best to sop up the soup.
"Jeez, these were my favorite pants too.  And, Yuka?  Yuka!  Stop
laughing!"

     "Sorry, hehehe, Daisuke, hahahahohohehe!"  Her laughter was
infectious, and soon Hiroshi and Sayuri joined in.  Daisuke
glared at them and stomped off to the bathroom.

     When they'd calmed down, Sayuri resumed telling the story.
"Ryouga somehow managed to convince Kuno that they should go on a
trip designed to `cleanse the mind, soul and spirit' as Kuno put
it."

     "And, of course, following Ryouga anywhere isn't the
smartest thing to do..." Yuka added.

     Sayuri glared at the other girl but reluctantly nodded.
"After about a week of going in circles even Kuno got fed up and
tried to get home on his own.  But following Ryouga had left Kuno
totally lost and confused."

     "How was that different than before I left?" Hiroshi asked.

     Sayuri gave Hiroshi a tight smile.  "Very cute.  Now stop
interrupting me.  Anyway, Kuno stumbled onto a sports
competition.  Figuring he needed a break he went inside.  He
watched the first competitors, and then he saw Her."

     Hiroshi scratched his head.  "Her who?"

     Daisuke slid back into the booth.  His face was serious.
"She's coming."

     "Who's coming?" Yuka asked.

     "Her," Daisuke replied, frowning.

     "Her?!" Yuka gasped.

     "About time," Sayuri said.

     Hiroshi looked around in confusion.  "Who?"

     Yuka asked Daisuke, "Are you sure it's Her?"  Daisuke
nodded.  Yuka leaned back and let out her breath.  "She's the
last person I want to deal with."

     Hiroshi had had enough.  "WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" he
yelled.

     Daisuke looked at Hiroshi curiously.  "Why, Kuno's
girlfriend, of course.  Didn't you listen to the story?"

     Hiroshi managed to resist the urge to grab his friend's arm
and shove it down his throat.  "Who exactly is Kuno's
girlfriend?"

     Sayuri tapped on Hiroshi's head.  A dull, hollow sound
emanated from it.  "Daisuke's right.  You're being stupid.
Kuno's girlfriend is Her.  The cute one you know."

     Hiroshi frowned.  "Ukyou?"  His friends shook their heads.
"Akane?"  He got a firm no again.  "Well, I give up.  Who is it?"

     A cry of "TATIYYY!" echoed from across the restaurant.  A
big sweatdrop formed on Hiroshi, and he slowly turned his head to
see a cute, short, blond-haired girl running toward Kuno.  Kuno
knelt and opened his arms.  "Come to me, my paragon of cuteness!"
he yelled joyfully.

     A look of absolute disbelief crossed Hiroshi's face.  "Kuno
is dating AZUZA SHIRATORI?!!!!!!"

     Sayuri nodded.  "Amazing isn't it?  I guess love is blind."
Hiroshi nodded dumbly.

     Yuka grinned.  "If you think that's weird, you should see
who Mikado ended up with."

     Hiroshi opened his mouth to ask, when the entrance of
another couple caused him to close it.  The couple consisted of:
"Mikado and SHAMPOO?!"

     Daisuke nodded.  "Nearly everyone's paired up."  Ukyou
seemed to appear out of nowhere and she hooked her arm in
Daisuke's.  "Dachan?" Ukyou asked, "Are you ready to go
shopping?"  Daisuke kissed Ukyou on the cheek and nodded.  "Sure,
Ucchan, honey."

     Hiroshi's mouth dropped.  He turned to the girls, but jumped
back in surprise (of course, forming the appropriate "Surprise
Gestures").  Mousse and Ryouga seemed to have appeared out of
thin air and were now fawning over Yuka and Sayuri respectively.
"Eep!" he said.

     Sayuri glared at Hiroshi.  "What's wrong with you?"  She
nuzzled Ryouga.

     "You're, you're, you-" he stammered.  He slapped himself and
continued, "Ryouga and Mousse, they're..."

     Yuka interrupted him with a wave of her hand.  "Daisuke said
nearly everyone had paired up.  That includes us."

     Hiroshi gulped.  "Nearly everyone?"

     Sayuri nodded.  "You and another are the only ones left
single."

     Hiroshi gulped again.  He slid down in his seat.  Fear
washed over his face.  "Only me and one other...?"

     This time Yuka nodded.  "You and-"

     "OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!!  I've waited long for you to
return, Hiroshi-darling!"

     Hiroshi stared down at the floor.  His face became a mask of
sheer and absolute terror.  His throat felt like the Sahara after
a drought.  "No..." he whispered hoarsely.

     He looked up to see Kodachi's madly grinning face above him.
She laughed and said, "Oh, Yes!"

================
Epilogue

     Hiroshi stood straight up in bed.  He was sweating and his
heart was beating rapidly.  He took a deep breath and held his
hand to his face.  "It was just a dream, Hiroshi, nothing more,"
he muttered to himself.

     He heard movement and he opened his eyes a crack.  In the
dim light he could just make out a face framed by long dark hair.
The eyes glittered insanely, and a wicked grin covered the lower
half of the horrible visage.  He looked down and saw that the
figure was female, and wearing a green leotard.

     "But, darling," Kodachi said, "The dream has just begun."

Hiroshi's screams rang throughout the night.

###########################################
Author's Indulgence

     SMACK!!!!  When one is typing on the computer, one does not
normally expect to be smacked upside the head bya spatula, but
nevertheless, this does sometimes happen.  Particularly when a
certain okonomiyaki chef stops by to protest her role in a
fanfic.

     "Ite...." I said from a quivering pile on the floor.

     "YOU PUT ME WITH DAISUKE!!!" Ukyou  screamed, her blue aura
radiant in her fury.  Despite whatever I'd read on the
newsgroups, at that moment I thought that Ukyou might possibly be
capable of violence (particularly to me).  She brandished her
big-ass spatula over my head.  "WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR
YOURSELF?"

     I managed to recover somewhat from being a quivering mass,
so I sat up.  "Ow," I said, rubbing my head, "You're really good
with that thing."  I got whapped again.

     "DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!" she shouted.  She stopped and
breathed deeply for a few moments.  "Why," she continued more
calmly, "did you put me with Daisuke?"  She helped me out of my
quivering jelly state, and put me on a chair.  "Well?"

     "Um, well, it was just a joke..."  Ukyou's expression stated
that she didn't find it at all funny.  "Well, it was just a
parody fic.  I didn't mean that you'd be likely to end up with
Daisuke.  Personally I think you'll end up with Ryouga."

     She threw her hands up in the air.  "It's always Ryouga!
Why can't you writers put me with Ranchan for a change?"

     "Well, you did end up with Ranma in Emptiness and
Renewal..."

     "Hmph," she hmphed, "he was a Ranma from another dimension.
I want to end up with my Ranchan!"

     "Well, Jai-kun did mention that he had a role-playing
character that was your and Ranma's kid..."

     "That's not what I mean!" Ukyou sighed, 'This isn't why I
came here.  I want to discuss how you're using me in your fics."

     I scratched my head.  "I thought I was being really kind to
you.  I mean, yours was the first Introspections story I
finished."

     "Some story.  You had me talking to Ranchan's grave!  When
are you going to do a real story with me in it, with Ranchan
alive?"

     "Um, well, I want to finish Akane's, Happosai's, and maybe
Kasumi's Introspections stories first.  Then there's the GS
Mikami fanfic I wanted to do..."  My breathing was suddenly cut
off as a huge spatula was suddenly leveled at my windpipe.  "I'll
see what I can do..." I gasped.  The spatula was removed.  I
rubbed my throat, thankful I could breathe again.  "For now, why
don't you read the Author's Notes?"

     Ukyou sighed.  "I might as well.  Hand `em over."  I handed
her a slip of paper.  "Let's see thanking Rumiko Takahashi for
creating Ranma 1/2 and its characters...  She must be a genius if
she created all of us!"  I nodded, and Ukyou continued.
"Thanking Todd and Mike for introducing you to anime and
Ranma....  What are they like?"

     I considered.  "Mike's kind of like a mix of Shinosuke and
Ryouga, and Todd's like a mix of Gosunkugi and a male Nabiki."

     Ukyou grimaced.  "And these are your friends?"  I nodded.
"So that's where you get it from....  Hmm, thanking you're other
friends, Robin, Josh, Mark, Nicki, Joshy, Jen, Jason, Ross, Dan,
Matt, Brian and Kath.  What are they like?"

     "Robin's like you, and the rest are like, in order,
Happosai, Tofu, Kasumi, Keichii from OMG!, Akari, Gemna, Sasuke,
Kuno, Tenchi, Krillian from DBZ, and Lum."

     Ukyou grimaced even more.  "God, you poor soul!  Oh,
you're thanking Jason Langlois (Jai-kun) for proof-reading, and
the other Knights of the Anime `Round.  Comments and whatnot
should be sent to you at akane@erols.com....  Akane?"  I
grinned weakly.  Ukyou shook her head.  "Your fanfics are
available at your homepage http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/8094
Okay, I have to go.  Just, please, put me with someone good next
time!"  I nodded, and watched her leave.

     I sunk down in my chair, holding my hand to my head.  "Thank
God, I didn't put her with Mikado like I originally planned!"

     Ukyou appeared in the doorway, her aura glowing furiously.
"MIKADO?!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

     I barely had enough time to form the appropiate gestures
before the spatula struck.

--Anne "Lady Akane" Packrat 3/15/97
     (akane@erols.com)

--
Anne Packrat
-Lady Akane / T-Bone
-apprentice to Dirk Gently

"And so the universe ends with neither a bang
nor a whisper, but with an exchange of Star
Wars dialogue." - Sovereign Seven
<!--'"</title></head>-->

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    width: 916px;
    margin: 0 auto 8px;
    position: relative;
}


form#header_search input {
    height: 40px;
    font-size: 14px;
    line-height: 40px;
    padding: 0 8px;
    box-sizing: border-box;
    background: #F4F2E9;
    border: 1px solid #BBB8B8;
    transition: background-color 300ms ease-out,
                color 300ms ease;
}

form#header_search input[type="text"] {
    width: 100%;
}
form#header_search input[type="text"]:focus {
    border-color: #A2D054;
    background-color: #fff;
    box-shadow: 0 0px 12px -4px #A2D054;
}



form#header_search input[type="button"] {
    position: absolute;
    top: 1px;
    right: 1px;
    opacity: 1;
    background: #DFDCCF;
    color: #463734;
    width: 125px;
    cursor: pointer;
    height: 38px;
    border: none;
}
form#header_search input[type="text"]:focus ~ input[type='button']:hover,
form#header_search input[type='button']:hover {
    background-color: #A5CE56;
    color: #fff;
}
form#header_search input[type="text"]:focus ~ input[type='button'] {
    background-color: #52AEDF;
    color: #fff;
}

</style>

<script>
function searchit(){
    
    // determine environment 
    var search_env 
    if (lycos_ad_www_server.indexOf(".pd.") > -1) {
       search_env = 'http://search51.pd.lycos.com/a/';
    } else if (lycos_ad_www_server.indexOf(".qa.") > -1) {
       search_env = 'http://search51.qa.lycos.com/a/';
    } else {
       search_env = 'http://search51.lycos.com/a/';
    }

var search_term = encodeURIComponent(document.search.search2.value)
var search_url = search_env+search_term;
window.open(search_url);

return false
}
</script-->
<style>
    .adCenterClass{margin:0 auto}
</style>
<div id="tb_ad" class="adCenterClass" style="display:block!important; overflow:hidden; width:916px;">

<div id="ad_container" style="display:block!important; float:left; width:728px ">
<script type="text/javascript">
if (typeof lycos_ad !== "undefined" && "leaderboard" in lycos_ad) {
  document.write(lycos_ad['leaderboard']);
}
</script>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<script type="text/javascript">
if (typeof lycos_ad !== "undefined" && "slider" in lycos_ad) {
  document.write(lycos_ad['slider']);
}
</script> <!-- added 7/22 -->
<div id="FooterAd" style="background:#DFDCCF; border-top:1px solid #393939; clear:both; display:none; width:100%!important; position:relative; z-index:999999!important; height:90px!important"> 
<div class="adCenterClass" style="display:block!important; overflow:hidden; width:916px;">
<div id="footerAd_container" style="display:block!important; float:left; width:728px">
<iframe id="lycosFooterAdiFrame" style="border:0; display:block; float:left; height:96px; overflow:hidden; padding:0; width:750px"></iframe>
</div>
</div>
</div>